You can see Joan's ass from the front of her. Yes, she is THAT skinny, but the girl can ride a bike. Joan is one of my teammates, and yesterday we got in our new clothing shipment for the team. Well, they only sent one pair of small short, so guess who was arguing over those? Yup, me and Joan. We ultimately had a contest over who had the skinniest ass. I ended up giving the shorts to her.
I have worked hard on my booty. Well, maybe not THAT hard, but I DO want one. I think booties are cute--something to hold on to or to pat or to spank or to whatever. You know, they just look cuter in and out of pants.
Having said that, my other friend who rides on another team started hollering and spanking her ass, "You want some of this!! Huh? You want some of this!!" It was halarious. I can't imagine what the other teams were thinking as this was all happening in the middle of the street right before the start of our race.
This team is fun, and that makes winning and losing all the merrier. It's a life experience that I'm thoroughly enjoying even though all I want right now is too float in a big tub of Jell-O. I don't know why, but that just sounds soothing.

Whoa, I left my ass on the road to Oak Glen yesterday! My legs are toast today. Me and a couple of my other teammates attacked like crazy yesterday in the road race to wear out the top team there. It would have been nice if some other teams would have joined in as it was very hard to be out there in the wind solo. I blew myself as did my teammates, but we were riding for our top rider who finished well on the climb the day before. Oak Glen was a mountain finish again, and so we needed to protect her and tire others out.
Today was another climbing day, and I had nothing in my legs. It was excruciating. I was laughing. What else could I do?
Bike racing is brutal in that you can just totally bury yourself. You can still keep pedaling. At some points I was just laying on my bike. I don't know how I kept going.
For me, some of it is my body healing. Some of it is not eating enough protein (main thing!), and some of it is not having any early season fitness. I don't usually start coming around until after May.
Two more days...

Well, I flat out can't get my ass up a mountain anymore!!! I can ride on the flats but not when it goes which USED to be my specialty. Maybe people just got faster over the past 3 years since I've been away from bike racing, and kudos to them. I tell you THAT! Maybe I just don't have any climbing form. It really is a specialization at the top level. You MUST climb to be the best at it.
I feel like my legs shouldn't be burning because the racing doesn't feel any harder than it did back in the day. So, what's wrong with my body? Not eating enough? Maybe it's spending all of its energy healing my head? I haven't done this kind of intensity yet, only aerobic base stuff?
I was frustrated at the end of today's stage. I vented to a teammate and then was utterly speechless. I sat in silence pondering, wondering---dazed with confusion.
My teammate placed 4th, though, and that was a bright spot. We will work for her to move up in GC (general classification) or at the very least to keep her spot. This will allow me to race more aggressively which is what I like. I'm not one to sit in and leave it all for the end. I've never raced like that.
My head is getting better. Had some neuro tests done yesterday, and I passed, but the medical team is keeping their eyes on me. I'm fine, but altitude causes the brain to swell, and today was at altitude. Tomorrow will be as well. It's not much--around 5,000ft., but when you have a brain injury it becomes a little bit more of a concern.
I'm not going to blame my poor finish today on my head even if it was partly to blame. My head did hurt, but my legs hurt worse, and that's the honest truth about it. I feel so tired all of the time. This, I'm sure, is because of my head injury. It frustrates me to no end, BUT I am thankful that I am recovering.
Thanks for all the well wishers out there. I appreciate your concern.

Love you.

Aaaaaaar, this stupid concussion is taking a toll on me more than I ever thought it would. It's definitely hindering my racing performance and interfering with my sleep. It's also made me moody (more than usual--LOL!). I think I have what's called post-concussion syndrome or some crap. I'm frustrated now because I didn't think this concussion would be any big deal, and it's turned out to be exactly that, and I'm involved in a crash and hit my head the blow could be fatal. I just found that out...
Today is the fast and furious criterium in downtown San Dimas, CA. Cirteriums are the most dangerous type of bike racing normally taking place around tight circuits of about a mile involving many corners. After that I have one day's rest before I embark on another 5 days of racing in Redlands, CA.
I hope my decision to race has been a wise one. It's hard to tell, you know? It's hard to make that call because even though I feel shitty I still feel like I can race even though it's not up to par. I still can help my teammates. Of course, my director and teammates have assured me that there is no pressure, and I can drop out at anytime, but it really is hard to do that. An athlete's brain is so wired for one thing and that one thing is competing. We always feel like we can win, like we can beat anything (case and point Lance Armstrong), but I also know it doesn't always work out the way we want it to.
The thing with bike racing is that I have to worry about other people. It's usually other people who cause me to crash. They make stupid moves in the pack and crash into me causing me to go down as well. If all I had to worry about was me then I wouldn't be worried! I KNOW how to handle MY bike. At the women's elite level you are dealing with many types of riders. There are the full time professionals, the weekend warriers who have a shitload of talent but maybe not great bike handling skills, and the long time racers who just love the scene. I know the riders who ride well and who are good bike handlers, and those are the people I try to place myself around, but sometimes (especially at high speeds) there is a domino effect where lots of people go down. It can get rather ugly.
I must ride aggressive today and try to stay out of trouble...

I'm out in Cali racing with my team now, and the host housing we're staying at is great. The women are all in shape, and they talk about manicures, pedicures, facials, and bead parties! It's just really cute. They don't talk about it in a vain way but more as a ladies' night or day out. They're just adorable.
So far my head is holding up to the rigors of racing. Yesterday was big test to see if I'd be able to ride in such a large group. There are about 100 top women riders. The circuit race we did was extremely technical and dangerous so much so, in fact, that the men's PRO race abandoned. That's right, all the riders quit. One guy told me he had never seen such a dangerous course in all of his 15 years of racing. There were huge holes, metal grates, and severe narrowing of the road at places. It was also very twisty and had sand on some of the corners.
We finished our race but not without some serious mishaps. About 7 people DNF'd (did not finish) due to mechanicals and/or crashes. Thankfully, my team went unscathed.
My team had to babysit me for the first half hour or so because I needed to stay safe, and I needed to get used to racing in the peloton again after having been out so long. My last big bike race was in the summer of 2001, and here I was racing nearly 100 top women.
All went well. The major side effect from the concussion during my races is the severe headaches. When my heartrate goes up, so does my blood pressure, and my head really really hurts. But at least I can race.

I have to ride in the country for most of my rides, and usually I pass houses with dogs. Occasionally these dogs think ALL of Oklahoma is their territory. This was the case a few days ago when 2 dogs ran alongside me as I tried to outride them. One was trying to bite my lower right leg when the dog on the outside surged forward and turned left 90 degrees right in front of my wheel. I nailed him and crashed hard to the ground. All I heard was the CRACK! sound of my head hitting the pavement. I jumped up holding my bike up as a shield in case the pooches had any ideas of finishing me off, but they trotted on home completely unharmed. They reminded me of the squirrels in that Geico commercial. Their deed for the day was done! I hobbled off to a house where a young boy was riding his bike. He witnessed the accident and went inside to get his mom. She drove me to the Norman ER where I received 8 staples to the back of my head. My body is really sore, but I'm okay except for this nasty concussion that I have to deal with. I feel like I'm stoned, but I'm really not. I'm just kind of "there." I'll be glad when the lethargy goes away, and I can be all perky again.
I can't wait to shave my arms too. I can't do it right now because I get dizzy when I put my head down like that to see them. Shit! I hate it when that happens. LOL!!

So, I got this coupon in the mail explaining I would get $100 if I listened to some guy try to sell me new windows in about an hour. I was down for that, so I rang him up. He came over the next day and gave me this great presentation. I loved the windows but wasn't about to shell out $6,000 and some odd dollars for them. My windows are JUST FINE, thank you very much. But anyway, this small town fella and I had some interesting conversations. Somehow France became a topic of discussion, and he told me what whimps they were, and how they thought they were such high class but really weren't. He told me how whimpy they were during several wars and seethed, "Well, ya know they're a socialist government, and socialism is half communism!" Well, no, I didn't know that. Did you all know that? LOL!! I was just floored at some of the things he was saying. I wish I would have recorded them, so I could quote him properly. Another good one was when I told him that one of OU's top basketball players got busted for drugs and a gun last night in his house. This guy replies, "He's black, ain't he? I bet he's black!" Well yeah, he's black, but I don't reckon that had anything to do with the fact that he likes weed and has a gun. Hell, that's the American way! Haven't you seen Bowling For Columbine?
Tinted windows---that's what this guy's eyes were like---tinted windows.

I can't close my eyes without seeing your face.
I lose my breath as I envision your embrace.
I try to be strong and say you don't matter,
but you do.
You still bring me to my knees
as I cry with pleas
of mercy.
Do you think I don't want to let go?
Because I do.
This hurts me.
The tears sting my swollen eyes,
and you Keri,
you sting my heart.
I'm trying desperately to break free
of this deathgrip you have on me.
I hate it.
My life is so disrupted.
My feelings chaotic.
My soul unnerved.
Why did I ever let you in my life?
This pain feels unbearable, intolerable,
unbelievable.
I want you gone from my brain
before you make me go insane.
I should have known...
as hard as you wanted it.
You're killing me from the inside out.
I'm trying to figure what this is about.
Scream and shout.
Scream and shout.
Falling.
Crying.
Writhing.
Please just stop.

This was something I wrote a few years back regarding an ex of mine. She was like one of those chocolate candies that looks really good on the outside, but when you bite into it you realize it tastes like crap.

Oh----my----gosh, I didn't even TELL you about my trip BACK from Spain on the airplane. I'm sittin' in my seat all chillin' ready to take off SO looking forward to watching some movies. The dude next to me is already sacked out. He looks so cute and gay. He IS gay---some Miami pretty boy. Anyway, as we are pulling away from the gate the flight attendants start doing their little demonstrations and telling us not to open the exit doors and all of that stuff. I don't think anything of it. We take off, and I'm waiting...I'm still waiting a few hours later...FOR THE FUCKING MOVIE TO START!!! I have been listening to music and dozing off when it dawns on me they haven't started the movie! I ask my seatmate when they are going to start the movie, and he informs me that the video projector is broken. Somehow I missed this, otherwise I may have thrown a slight fit earlier. On an 8 hour flight I consider a video projector malfunction to be a DAMN MECHANICAL PROBLEM!! This DEFINITELY fell into the category of one of those 'last minute maintenance issues that needs to be addressed.' I would have been happy to remain at the gate for another few minutes to get that thing fixed!!! ARE YOU WITH ME HERE?!! By the end of the flight I new EXACTLY where the next dandruff flake would fall from on the guy's head who was sitting in front of me.
The LEAST the airline could have done was give us free booze. No, that wouldn't have corrected the problem, but it certainly would have made it a hell of a lot more bearable. Hell, after a few alcoholic beverages I could have made my OWN fucking movie!
Oh, and for the majority of this flight into oblivion I hardly saw even one flight attendant. I don't know what the heck they were doing, but they weren't SERVING!!! We had one meal and one snack. Meanwhile, I can hardly contain my stomach which is beginning to eat itself from starvation. Quickly, I remember I have some mints in my bag. I eat them all. Aaaaaaaaarg, now I have a stomach ache the size of Texas! Forty five minutes until we land, and I'm gassy from all of that damn candy. Now, I have to clench my buttcheeks. LOL---yes, it WAS the flight from hell. No movies, no mind altering substances, and I'm about to explode!
The Miami airport has never been a more welcome site let me tell you. I made it off the plane without any foul odor dispensing!
I found this Cuban deli that my seatmate had recommended and ordered a Cuban sandwich. Good ole America---it took me 2 terminals and 21 gates to eat the thing! Upon finding my gate, I planted my happy ass down in front of a television blaring CNN---my first English TV in weeks. Aaaah, America. I'm home.

P.S. On my flight from Miami to Dallas I couldn't BELIEVE where I was seated. I was in a leather chair with a lumbar support that reclined back and had a footrest that popped out. I couldn't even REACH the seat in front of me, and I have longass legs. It was heaven. The best part was THAT I HAD MY OWN DAMN TV with 3 different movies on different channels!! So, what did I do? I watched ALL 3 of them. Yup, I was switchin' around those channels like I had a damn remote control in my hand. It was beautiful!