Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaang, I am SO tired.  I'm at work, and i'ts 4am.  I've been here since 3pm yesterday, and I won't leave here for another 3 hours.  The night person called in, and since I was on-call I had to cover the shift with the other two radiographers.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarg.  I'm suppose to ride at 10am, but I'm also suppose to work again from 2p-11p.  I don't think I can do both without collapsing, so I'm going to have to miss my ride.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarg!

Some people like to know if there's specific meaning behind some of the poetry I write.  I reply that sometimes there is and sometimes there isn't.  Most of my stuff can be applied to all.  I may start out writing about something specific, but then I develop it into something general.  Does that make sense?

Anyway, here's something I wrote here tonight:

This disease of the land

takes hold of my hand.

my skin's full of sores

with a virus full of lies

the sickness seeps into my pores

and out through my eyes.

how do i rectify this situation?

how do i pacify this frustration?

i have to get out of this place

and into a new space

in order to save face

'cause i can't keep the pace

in this ugly race.

it's grindin' me down

i'm down on my knees

begging you please

hoping you'll see

my heart as it bleeds.

this gaping wound of mine

you really did it this time.

how do i recover?

for me there is no other.

the spoils go to the victor

but who is the victor

when we bicker?

nobody wins

when the pins

and the needles

pierce through your skin.

you think it's fine

but i think it's time

to stop treadin' this line.

we both see the signs

you ain't really mine.

i read in the paper

that you tried to save her

but you couldn't

and you shouldn't

because she wouldn't

want it like that.

just give her a pat

on the back

and let her see

where she's at.

it's not too late

at this rate

for our sake

to get off this date

and change the fate

of this mistake

if we cooperate

to give and take.

it's time to mend

this thing

before it ends

or bends

and breaks

it isn't me who takes

it's you who takes and takes

and takes

and rakes

me over the coals

where i turn and burn

to the core.

i get old

and grow mold

and get cold

until i'm told

to stop.

it's me who fakes my death

takes in my last breath

until the rest of the world

catches up with my words

and learns to live

and to give

so much more

to this war.

i swore that i would

but who's keeping score?

Current mood: drained

Whew!  Work is kicking my butt tonight.  Xrays rollin' off the printer in the ole ER.  This poor older woman---she was cleaning out her colostomy bag in her bathroom when her doorbell rang.  She yelled, "Just a minute!"  Then she turned around, fell down, and whacked her nose on the rim of the toilet!  OUCH!  She was like, "What are these kids doing selling magazines at night anyway?"  I said, "I dunno, hon."  She said, "I don't know how I'm going to get the blood off of my wall.  It's everywhere!  I don't have anybody.  My son is dead.  My daughter is in Germany with her husband who's in the army, and they aren't coming back.  My husband is dead, and my brothers and sisters are dead.  I've got nothing!"  She went on to tell me she had a pacemaker and wondered what else could be wrong with her.  I told her that she was very blessed and that I've seen much younger people far worse off than she.  To this she replied, "Well, I'd like to see that.  I've never seen anyone worse off than me."  I told her, "Don't say that.  I see it every time I come to work." 

I gave her my phone number and told her to call me.  I told her that I would clean her bathroom and that I would come see her.  She seems lovely and just needs some attention. Don't we all...

Don't even ask--you gotta be over 70 to get my phone number!

I hafta say I've had a bad day today.  You know how you have some of those days.  You're just sad.  I've got so much going on in my head.  I won't go into details.  It's just me.

I didn't ride yesterday or today, but I ran instead.  I haven't run in awhile.  I watched the tape of me running the 1996 Olympic Marathon Trials.  I watched as NBC cameras hovered around me being loaded into the ambulance when I collapsed at mile 7 or so due to a recent bout with food poisoning, and oh I was running with a fractured foot as well.  I listened to the commentators talk about me with high hopes.  Anyway, it gave me some new hope like everything does.  I did something different with my shoes.  No, no, no more stones.  LOL!  I felt great running.  I probably ran a bit too fast, so I'll be sore tomorrow.  My legs were itchy.  You know they get itchy if you haven't run in awhile? 

I rode 4.5 hours Saturday.  It was so windy----daaaaaaaaaaaaamn .  Usually I don't gripe about the wind, but that day it seemed like we never had a tailwind.  I started out with a group and rode pretty easily for 2.5 hours, and then there were only about 5 of us that went on.  I was glad there were a few people.  It made it nicer.  It gets old training solo ALL of the time. 

This triathlon magazine wants to know if I'm going to do the Gay Olympics next year in Chicago.  LMAO---"I don't know," I said.  "I'll let you know if I do."  How do those people know if someone is gay?  Like, do you have to pass some sort of criteria?  Do I have to make out with women to get in?  I mean really, anyone can go to the Gay Olympics I guess.  I wonder when it is.  I may just have to pencil that in to my schedule.  I was asked by this prominent gay man in Oklahoma City (he runs the GayOKC website) to speak at this huge community event in January, but I can't do it because I'll be in Australia.  I felt really bad about it.  I really try to make myself available and not isolated, you know, but it's hard with my schedule sometimes.  That's why I LOVE it when people contact me thru this blog or thru SistersTalk or thru my website or thru MySpace or by coming up to me at races or whatever (as long as you don't stalk me!).

I have pictures that I shall be happy to autograph if you want to send like $3 to cover postage and photo paper.  They are really good quality, and they're 8"x10", I think.  It is the same picture that appears on my myspace profile of ratandrea.  I can do other ones too if you find any that I can capture.

Thank you for being interested in me...